Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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