i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
