well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
