Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
