The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
