all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
