it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
