I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
