Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
