I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dick very happy bro
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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