Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you inspire me to be a worse person
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
