Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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