How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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