i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
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Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have fence marks all over my body
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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