smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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