I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
