I think I died a long time ago.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
