My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
