Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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