she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
