Soap is not a condiment
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Randomize
