I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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