wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
