The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
