I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
