If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
