Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
