my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
