Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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