its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
4 words: hood of his car
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
