I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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