Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am one with the molecules
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.