Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
