What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling