You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.