Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter