ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I wear drunk well.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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