i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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