Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you traded sex for a burrito?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good