my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now