after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
