Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
