Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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