I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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