i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
