I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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