just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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