You just made me feel so damn special
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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