Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
