remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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