Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
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