I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
