If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
