i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
