you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
