My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
