He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
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Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
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If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize