I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
