There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
