I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
