Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
