the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is Oprah even human
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
