drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
