and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
