I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
