walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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