Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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