News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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