Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
