I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
