you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
