yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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