So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
