true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
