someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just had sex on a roof
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
