Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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