I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
