yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
