There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My room smells like vodka and shame
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
