i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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