Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
